The Skipping Stone

Jung dipping his feet in Lake Zurich

Exactly how someone's mental illness impacts on those around them depends on the individual and their diagnosis, but many carers find themselves dealing with the effects of the mental illness while continuing to juggle work, family and finances.


A report by Wesley Mission suggests carers often feel the effects on their own mental health, other relationships in their lives and their finances.


Watching a loved one struggle with mental illness is stressful and the additional workload that comes with caring can add to this stress, says Jack Heath, chief executive officer of SANE Australia.


"For some people, caring can be providing emotional support on a daily basis, offering encouragement and ensuring people get the services and treatment they need," he explains. "For illnesses where the incident is more episodic and you don't know when the illness might take hold, it's a question of staying on guard and closely monitoring how your loved one is travelling."

The first steps

Being able to identify mental illness in someone you know and love can be difficult, but Heath says early intervention is critical.


"For the more common mental disorders, like depression and anxiety, treatments are out there and the recovery rates are very high," he says. "The general advice is if someone you know has been unusually low for more than two weeks, or is behaving abnormally, they may need professional help".


Clinical psychologist Dr Suzy Green, from The Positivity Institute, says it's important to approach the person when you're both calm.  "Ask if they have five minutes to talk. Let them know that your intention is not to be nosey or overstep the mark, but to see if they are okay, because you've noticed they're not themselves lately," she says. "Then ask if there is anything you can do to help. They may initially flatly refuse, but if you keep working on the relationship, then over time they may be more willing to open up."


When that happens, Green stresses the importance of recommending they see a GP. "While you can be a good listener, you need to gently encourage them to find a mental health professional – we need to lose the stigma of seeking help," she says.


A GP can then discuss treatment options depending on the diagnosis. If need be, you can offer to go along for support when they have their appointment.

Taking care of you

Given that caring for someone with mental illness increases your own risk of depression, experts say it's important to look after yourself and know your limits.


It's normal to feel a whole range of emotions, such as guilt, fear, anger and sadness under these circumstances; however, learning more about the condition can help you to understand what's going on for your loved one and knowing how you can help.


"You can't be responsible for their recovery as much as you aren't responsible for them," says Green.
"But what you can take responsibility for, is being a key support person in their life. Don't assume you know what they need – ask them. It's also vital to unplug from the situation and maintaining contact with other people in your life.


"It's important you connect with other people and share their experiences on how best to cope," Heath says. "As a carer, you need to enjoy life and not become over-burdened. Take time to reflect on the things you're grateful for; savour things; go and have a nice meal and other small things you really enjoy. If you can't look after yourself, it's hard to help others."


Lifeline recommends carers regularly ask themselves:

• Do I get enough breaks from caring?
• Have I got regular times for relaxation?
• Am I getting regular exercise?
• Am I eating nutritious meals?
• Do I get enough sleep?
• Do I have someone I trust to talk to?

Red flags for carers

Tragically, suicide rates among people with a mental illness remain high and experts say there are certain signals to look for.


"The critical sign is seeing a sudden change in behaviour, particularly when someone had been down, frustrated or consistently angry – and then things are suddenly okay," Heath says.  "That can often be a sign that the person has devised a suicide plan and feels they've got a way out of their dilemma."


He also urges friends and family to be aware of talk about being "a burden".


"Listen out for phrases like 'the world would be better off without me' and if they are withdrawing and not engaging in the normal social connections they usually have," he says.


Mentally unwell men in particular are at risk of hurting other people, especially if they've been self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, says Jonathan Nicholas, chief executive officer of The Inspire Foundation.


"If someone has explosive or persistent anger – a short fuse – that's a real concern and needs to be addressed, because they could cause harm to someone," he explains. "They need to know that it's okay to be angry, but they have to manage their emotions better."


Text sourced from
Mental Illnesses' Ripple Effect on Family & Friends
by Cassie White
ABC Health & Wellbeing