It is difficult to know whether the aspects of the way I am in the world are a product of nature or nurture and probably for me this is academic. However, I am sure that crashing out on my upper middle class life has been powerfully influential. I recognise my terrible hunger for praise which I seem unable to give myself, my need to prove myself constantly to me as well as others, the fact that despite a National Human Rights Award and other signifiers of fame I know I am nobody of any import in my old world.
The difficulty I have in accepting well meant criticism, my volatile interest in politics, my tendency to want to verbally assert myself (listen to me, listen to me) and the myriad of other behaviours I so wish were not me. I know that some clinical psychologists would have a field day with this but I don’t give them permission. The knowledge that has most helped me to understand my world is sociological in origin and not psychological.
Crashing out of one’s social class is a reality that deserves and needs sociological attention.
~ Merinda Epstein
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